Hari raya!
today i experienced the difference between having my parents around and with them not around.
it was great.
i enjoyed being in the car with my brother, alone going to Al Falah.
it was such serenity.
usually his girlfriend sibuk also in the car.
no privacy.
hahahahaha. okok i'm joking.

and just now everyone got emotional.
my sister, my brother and me.
hahahaha.
i really don't know why, but i'm so emotional this month.
my sis cried yesterday because she missed her husband and my parents.
for my brother its more hilarious.
we contacted dad to talk to him.
then it was my brother's turn to talk to him.
then after the phone was hung up, he told us he tried so hard to contain his tears.
then suddenly a few seconds later, his eyes got red!
hahahahaha.
omg.
so damn funny.
like slow reaction gitu.

for me,
dad asked me about the air force interview.
omg the moment he asked, i was like omg shit why must he ask me!!!!
I CAN'T TEAR AGAIN!
i teared up just now!
hahahaha.

ok i teared up just now.
wth.
AT THE FREAKING MOSQUE.
hahahaha.
i was like hiding my face in between my arms seh.
the reason is that,
this month, a lot of things happened.
i find it kinda overwhelming.
i couldn't stand it.
during the khutbah, i suddenly got distracted.
moments later, i felt this hot feeling on my face.
hahahah.
this month was seriously, a rollercoaster ride.
the loss, the rejection, the loneliness, the mounting pressure.
and the main reason, for this person i cared a lot for.
this feeling i get as i never had cared for someone so much.
it was overwhelming.

it was great hearing your voice, dad.
i love you dad.
and to you too,
i love you so much.
always remember my promise. (:

somehow i find today a troubled one.
don't ask me why.
urgh.

its damn sad that when i'm so sincere abt asking how u are doing,
you thought it as a something negative.

oh wells,
life sucks.
not all the time though.
life had been alright so far.
though today i felt quite down.
but i'm positive i'll get better when i sleep.
its always like that.

on the side note,
i wanna go cycling before i start killing myself slowly with my reivision.

we had a round trip around Singapore.
just to get to Sentosa.
BP to Changi to Sentosa.
the moment we saw Keppel Road, we screamed like some crazy idiots.
haha.
oh the windows are down anyways.

Me: Gosh 1/4 tank gone just like that.
Cousin: Ya lor! Round trip sia.
Me: No lar! Cos i was thinking we go changi first to take my plane.
Bro: Yeah then i realised the runway here not smooth. Cannot make it one!

yeah my bro freaking played along.
SO NOT HIM.
haha.

Me: Eh must low profile tau. Our dad friends know us. But we don't know them.
Bro: Okok act super baik ok.
Me: *playfully* eh that's Cik Kassim!
Bro: Where??
Me: No lar I just playing only, i forgot how he look like lor. How he look like eh?
Bro: Don't know, like an old person?
LOL my bro ish so bad.
haha.

it had been an enjoyable time being with my cousins and all.
windows down, travelling on the expressway, singing to lifehouse.
oh man.
i love it.

this morning,
what i did was, reread my blog post.
which i immediately deleted,
cos i suddenly realised that u dislike talking about what i'm up to in detail.
and i'm not even supposed to say that i illegally did it. -.-
oh wells.

You do not always seem to be able to decide
that it is all right, that you are doing what you're doing
and yet there is always that complicity in your smile
that it is we, not you, who are doing it
which is one of the things that make me love you.
(:

alamak whats wrong with me siaaaa.
haha.
ever since my parents left me for a month.
i started getting weaker and weaker.
like so damn emotional.
hahaha.

and yeah i only told what happened today to certain people.
its like only her, some friends, my cousin and my siblings.
its amazing how much support they had given me.
and the advice all of them gave me is so damn true.
maybe its just that Allah wants me to have a better place for my future.
i heard of it before actually.
but somehow with my screwed up thoughts,
i never thought it would be possible that there's any place for me.

the person that gave the most impact was my sister.
don't jeer me on this,
but lol, i cried talking to her about it.
and i broke my personal record of crying two times within a month.
long time since i cried.
like erm secondary school?
haha.

what she told me totally made sense.
about it not worth it to be with them when i deserve a better place.

oh wells,
i'll get over it soon.
though right now i'm kinda worried about some other things too.
and one of them would be my niece having pnemonia.
haiz.

i must say my birthday this year was pretty much hmm how should i put it?
up and downs?
i thought i could share my happiness of getting to 18 with him,
but well, what to do.

on a lighter note,
this birthday had been full of surprises.

and people are getting more original.
LOL.
someone pretended to make me carry the notes and the "umbrella".
haha.
freaking hilarious.
that was one nice one.
though i kinda know that something was up.
thank you the very much. (:
"give me back my notes and you can keep my umbrella" eh?
haha.
like what i told you, you gave me too many "presents" already. (:

and just now, Jol and the guys gave me a present too.
i was damn stupid hahha.
totally caught me offguard sia.
i was helping Jol carry her file in the morning,
and i saw the bag.
then i was like "eh! this shop is where my brother bought the bag i'm carrying now".
lols.
and outside the class, Jol took out the bag and ram it straight into my chest.
LOL.
i so didn't expect that.
hahaha.

and i enjoyed hanging out with people like the SPPians.
really a great bunch of people i can interact with.
thanks guys. (:

and it seems like Jol had developed new habits.
2 to be specific.
the first would be asking me to follow her to the toilet.
its like as if i have the key to the toilet like that.
-.-.
LOL.

these few days had been about running around settling things.
pretty busy i must say.
so far the unfortunate incident that happened next week had totally been settled.

and now, i got to settle more things.
air force sent me a letter for interview.
i'm so terribly happy.
but at the same time, i'm not gonna put so much hope on it.
so now i have to settle my particulars etc etc.

and then today, i got another good news.
the quota is out,
and my parents and nenek are going haji!
omg i feel so glad for them.
and now i'm sincere in the glad part.
i haven't think about the mischief i wanna do.
heh.
so now, i kinda got more work to do.

cos my dad will be away, i need to do some stuff for the household.
so damn lucky that the water bills are all paid by GIRO.
now i only need to settle my dad's credit card bills and extend the season parking for his car.
i'm not surprised if i have to do more than that.
well i don't care, i will be glad to help him out.
haha.
i can't wait to try and settle "adult world" matters.

i've been a pretty happy person these few days,
though at the same time i'm quite worried about some of my friends.

on a side note,
dad commented something about me.
we were fetching my mum from my sis's,
so i told my mum to wait under the block.

Me: Mama 1.43 turun bawah block eh.(hangs up) (translation: mum 1.43pm u wait under the block eh)
Dad: Yang kau kenape? senang-senang leh ckp 1.45 ckp 1.43.(wats wrong with u? u can just easily say 1.45 and yet u say 1.43)
Me: Tk boleh ke? Dah mmg it'll take us only 2 mins to reach there. (cannot meh?it'll take us only 2 mins to reach there what)
Me: I'm gonna be an engineer, so i have to be precise.
Ayah: Alahhhh gasak kau lah.(Whatever suit yourself lah.)

i just love arguing with him.
heh.
 

i can't get over the fact that i love the present so much.
can u wrap it back for me?
HAHA.

you will be in my heart forever my brother.
and no i don't regard you as my bro-in-law.
i regard you as my own brother.
i hope you're doing fine now.

i learnt a lot of lessons from this.
dad was so composed, settling a lot of things.
its as if it totally didn't happen.
i wanna be like him.
so relaxed.
ready for almost anything.

and now,
the more will i cherish the people i like, the more i will adore and respect my family members,
and love the person who made my life more interesting.

all is loved.